Call and Text All Your Friends When You Are Happy
by Irina Issakova on May 31, 2009
in Uncategorized
Becoming an adult sucks. It is really hard. Graduating from college, leaving your parents’ house, managing finances, being good at your job and generally learning how to be on your own is very emotionally taxing. And then there is the task of figuring out how to lead your life on your own. I find a lot of recent college graduates subconsciously afraid of being alone, so whenever they have free time, they schedule meetings with their friends, picnics at the park, happy hours at the bar and attendance of countless parties. Six months later, they find that they have had little time with themselves to really think about what their lives now mean.
And what they mean is that there is no set course anymore. Life is now a free current (direct translation from Russian). In high school you worked hard to get into the best college. In college you worked hard to get the best job out of graduation. Now that the preparation for your life is over, you suddenly find yourself living the life that you prepared for during the last 8 years. But how do you actually live it? Is it worth going out to bars or to parties twice a week? Is it more valuable, in the grand spectrum of your life, to work 8 or 10 hours a day? Should you write a blog post or get 8 hours of sleep? Is it worth reading that really interesting article to educate yourself on a topic?
When I started working, I asked my mentor “How do I live my life now that I have a structured 9 to 5 work schedule? Where do I find the time to discover myself?” He answered: “You get really good at managing your time. And you learn to spend time on the things you actually want to be doing.” You learn to only spend time with people you actually want to spend time with. Instead of reading everything, you read only those articles and blog posts that will teach you something new and spark a new thought, resisting the urge to read everything because you are hungry for an understanding of this world.
And then you go through sad and down states. Because transitioning from college to adulthood is emotionally unstable and you will feel this emotional instability if you dare to stop and think for five minutes. And when you feel sad and scared, you might snap at your friends, the friends who will be there for you no matter what and who tolerate your post-college-transition emotional ups and downs. But you do not want to push it too far and alienate them.
So when you feel a pocket of joy amidst the emotional transition, immediately call and text your friends. Because that pocket of joy might pass in 5 minutes, but the positive call or text will last them longer. And because those happy calls remind your friends of who you really are or the person you strive to be - the best and happiest version of yourself.
Irina - this is such a beautiful post!
For me, “figuring it out” in college was easy - I was super organized, way into perfectly planning every class and every credit toward my major. After I left, figuring it out became a lot fuzzier - like you, I started reading anything I could get my hands on, grasping for some new kind of understanding. Books on time management and money started leading toward books on mindfulness and happiness. I realized that I was reading book after book, trying to get my life figured out instead of really just looking deeper and asking myself what I really want. That can’t be figured out in a book - it is complicated and constantly changing, like you said.
Ack! There I go writing all about me. (I saw you comment somewhere else asking what the right protocol was - good question!). You did such a great job synthesizing the common concerns people have, and I am impressed that you’ve surrounded yourself with mentors and people who can help you out along the way.
As for the title? Love the idea of calling or texting a friend when you are happy - sometimes we/I fall into the habit of just calling to bitch - and that’s not the path to a lasting friendship!
This is a great post! Even though I have been graduated from college for two years now I can still totally relate, it is so easy to get into a routine and just do what your friends are doing or go out to the same bars every night, but every now and then you stop and ask what I am getting from this? Is this the life I want?
It is great that you have already recognized this and are voicing it because I am sure there are others that feel the same but don’t have the courage to write about it. It is really great to have friends that you can complain to but also good to acknowledge them and let them know you are doing well and they have contributed to your happiness!
Thanks for writing I really like this post!
Jenny B and Jenny L, thank you for your comments! It means a lot to me that you liked this post. After all, you are my first cupcake tweetup loves!.
Jenny B, I love hearing how a post about my life and my thoughts makes you think about your life. Therefore, your comment being about you is exactly how I wanted it to be. I would love learning from you!
Jenny L, I definitely know what you mean about routine! Sometimes I get so scared that I let my life pass me by that I push myself to do interesting and new things and to go against the grain. And I do not mind staying in on the weekend to write a blog post and get some personal work done because I am slowly figuring out that that is just more valuable to me.
It is definitely a process and I think that it will be a process for ht rest of our lives. But it is good to get into the habit of evaluating how the actions in your life contribute to your life story.
Life really is something isn’t it? You’ve hit the nail on the head here. We spend so much time preparing for life, so much time invested into all of the events leading up to being on our own - but once we get there, once everything isn’t laid out for us, once our plan is up to us to create, we can’t help but feel lost and overwhelmed. So, as you said, we reach out to everyone around us to keep from going at it alone, and often-times, we lose track of ourselves and who we are. The best advice I could give to any recent graduate is to not lose track of yourself, and to make time for the things you are truly passionate about, even if it means making sacrifices.
I love the advice here - I think the art of a phone call is lost. We all tweet and text so much that we forget the impact a positive phone call can have. I need to take this advice. I can’t tell you how many unused rollover minutes I have sitting there because I never pick up the phone to call people. In those moments where everything is going right, share the wealth and spread some good cheer to other people that matter in your life.